Chapter 5: The Lord Jesus

He was coming -my Beloved, my Friend. My breath was knocked out of me, and my knees went slack as He came closer. Then, like a tree overtaken by a dust cloud from a wind flurry, the cloud of His glory engulfed me. The spirits still were darting in and lifting out on the periphery, but I could see only Him.

Remembering

I had seen Him standing in the sanctuary of a church several times before over a period of years. The last time was two and a half months earlier. He was standing twenty-four feet high in the sanctuary of a church where the pastors met for citywide prayer meetings. It was Yom Kippur. For four years we had labored in the citywide prayer movement of that metropolitan area, and we had returned to the city for a Bible conference after being gone for a year.

At that time He stood in the sanctuary, a rainbow encircling Him, clothed in a shimmering, multicolored cloak. The light radiating from Him looked alive. Suddenly He telescoped to the size of a man and spoke.

"Look at Me," He said. His eyes, though far away, suddenly were near and riveting, as if aflame.

As I looked into His eyes, the robe of vibrating colors passed through His body, came to me, and encircled my body. I could feel it as well as see it.

Then, without walking, He came forward until He passed right into my body. He was facing the back of my head, and I was facing the back of His. He turned around within my body, and we were both facing in the same direction, both wearing the cloak. After this I had the even stranger sensation of having someone look out of my eyes-Jesus, not I, was looking out of my eye sockets.

Suddenly He moved forward out of my body, leaving the cloak on me and returning to the place from which He had come. In an instant He disappeared, and I was left wearing the shimmering, multicolored cloak.

The experience two and a half months before this present moment when He stood before me in Heaven seemed wonderfully strange and yet very natural. But I had never understood what it all meant. I expected some change in my life, some increased anointing, but I found myself amazingly the same and stunningly un-anointed, which was usual.

The Desire Of All Nations

Now He was standing before me in Paradise.

How can one describe "the Desire of All Nations"? Far more than the impact of His physical appearance, He embodies life. His eyes are clear blue but as deep as a bottomless pool. It seems that if you could travel into those eyes, you would understand all mysteries, that in plunging toward the bottom of that deep pool, you would pass the answers to all things.

He embodies love, light, and truth. A kaleidoscope of understandings flooded my spirit, computing faster than lightning, causing me to react as Job reacted when the Lord confronted him-I could only cover my mouth.

He stepped up to me.

He was smiling broadly, as a childhood sweetheart that you knew you would always, always love, but that you had not seen since childhood. The years dropped away as you saw Him, and you were right-you would always, always love Him; no one could ever take His place.

He took my right hand in His left, which strengthened me. "Come," He said. Immediately we were flying.

The Mountains Of Spices

Paradise began to pass beneath us. The spirits accompanying Him flew to the side and behind us. We were flying up to an astonishing mountain range. The color of each mountain varied. As we drew closer, I realized that the first mountain emitted an aroma.

"Where are we, Lord?" I asked.

"You have often called Me to the mountains of spices," He said. "We are here."

Aromatic spices were growing on these mountains. The colors, as well as the aromas, varied from mountain to mountain.

The Father's Delight

"These are for your Father's delight," Jesus said, "and for the delight of His children. They bring joy." Without turning His head to look at me, He asked, "Do you wish to bring joy?"

"Yes," I answered.

Jesus responded, "Obedience brings joy to My Father, holiness of heart, thankfulness, truth with mercy. Each is like a spice.

Each has a fragrance. Collectively the aromas are pleasing to My Father. The aromas speak of Me to Him, not just one spice but the aroma of the blend as one passes from mountain to mountain. Together they witness of Me, and this pleases My Father.

Also the aroma of these spices coming from His adopted children speaks of Me, and He is pleased."

As we passed over each mountain, wave upon wave of the most tantalizingly delicious smells washed over me. Then some of the particular spices growing from each flew up into my free arm and hand. As we passed over the twelfth mountain, my arm and hand were full of the complete complement of aromatic spices from the mountain range; the smell was beyond Compare.

I breathed in deeply and felt permeated with the aroma, I could almost taste the fragrance.

Suddenly I wanted to give out that which had come to me. I flung the spices up into the air, and they became white doves.

"My covenant of peace," Jesus said.

Before my eyes I could see the whole earth as if I were the distance of a satellite from it. The doves flew and became flames of fire resting over the whole earth.

The picture before my eyes so intrigued me that I did not realize that the spirits had disappeared and that Jesus and I were coming down into a walled garden.

The Walled Garden

The enclosure seemed to be a private garden." It was not extremely large, but it was large enough to have a variety of trees as a part of its planting: the pomegranate, myrtle, and cedar; the balsam, cinnamon, frankincense, myrrh, and aloe.

The garden was in the full bloom of spring with narcissus and jonquils in the beds and vines of yellow jasmine and purple wisteria intertwined on the stone wall.

There was a three-tiered fountain in the center of the garden with a bench near it. The bench was under a very large apricot tree, which resembled more an oak than a fruit tree. It was in bloom also and exuded a lovely, invigorating scent.

Our feet came to rest on the ground near the fountain.

"What a lovely garden: I said.

"Yes," He smiled, allowing His eyes to scan the area lightly. "I enjoy walking here."

Suddenly into my mind came a phrase from the Song of Solomon: "Until the cool of the day when the shadows flee away. " It was cool here, and certainly there were no shadows. Did that song speak of Paradise?

We began to walk

A Garden For Lovers

The path circled the garden, with plantings and beds near the wall as well as on the opposite side of the path in the center of the garden. Camphire (henna) was blooming there, and the star-of-Bethlehem, blue flax, and the scarlet lily were blooming in beds near it.

"Who tends this garden?" I asked. "You do," He answered.

"I tend this garden?" I exclaimed with astonishment.

"Yes," He replied.

I looked over the garden. I felt that I had been here before, but the feeling was an elusive impression, rather like trying to piece together a dream when you only remember snatches of it. I could not bring it into clear focus.

"Would You tell me of this garden, Lord?" I asked finally.

"Each such garden is different. Each is unique, and I delight in each." He paused before speaking again. "Do you enjoy being here?" He asked.

"Yes, it's..." I could not find the words.

"Yes: He agreed.

We came to a spring that flowed from a rock in the garden. Spanning the water was an arch of a bridge that seemed only wide enough for two people. As I thought about it, the bench near the fountain also seemed only wide enough to seat two. Perhaps this was a garden for lovers. As we crossed the bridge, I could smell the scented calamus that grew on the banks by the water.

His Burden

"Do You become tired?" I asked.

"There is a burden in My heart for mankind," He replied. "I will bear this burden until all is completed, but this is not like the body fatiguing and needing rest. No, I do not tire as those who are housed in the flesh tire."

"Do You get lonely?" I asked.

"I long for completion, but that is not loneliness. Loneliness comes from unfulfilled desires, passions that cause one to seek to live in the future through a desire for fulfillment. I live in the present. I am concerned with that which is now. All things are complete here... although incomplete moment by moment. I long for the completion of this gift to My Father, that He may be glorified as well as pleased. He loves having His children around Him. What satisfaction is greater: a crown upon the head, a smile in the heart, a joy that is beyond compare"

We passed beds of saffron and nard. I remembered that on earth these were of great worth.

He continued, "The eyes of those in satan's kingdom are blind to My Father, as well as to Me, but they are open to and aware of their subsistence coming from the evil one. He too has gifts, and he displays them. The harlot stands in the doorway and beckons the naive: 'Come in; my bed is scented with all manner of spices and balms. Your sleep will be sweet.

"But it will not be sweet. A thousand torments embrace the one on that bed; a thousand heartaches that can never be satisfied lie with the naive on that bed. True love springs forth from God, a never-ceasing fountain fed by springs of living water within the Godhead. I am that Spring. I am that Fountain. I AM."

By now we had circled half of the garden and were back at the center fountain. We sat on the bench.

"Lord," I said, "show me something precious in Your sight." He opened His hand, and in it was a tear. "In this tear is a world, a universe, an infinity of love. In this tear is the DNA, as it were, of a loved one's spiritual genes. In this tear are salt and light. I can look into this tear and see the face of God, for it is clear. I can look through it to Him who births the universe. This tear is very precious to Me."

We both looked at the tear, and then He closed His hand and continued, "Close your eyes and hold out your hand."

I closed my eyes, and He placed into my hand something smooth.

"Now open your eyes."

A New Name

I opened my eyes and my right hand to look at a smooth, white stone with the name Anna engraved upon it.

"Your new name," He said. "I am adding the breath of life to your name. Here you will be called Anna."

"Anna I said to myself.

"Now, Anna, My sister and My love, our names have been joined in covenant."

"Thank You," I said, holding the stone to my heart.

"I have been waiting for you, Anna. The loneliness you experienced is nothing compared to the heartache I experienced as I waited for you, seeing you run after all manner of idols to seek satisfaction." He looked out into the garden. "How I called to you." There was pain in His voice. "Year after year you dallied, and I grieved, waiting for you to realize that no one can, nor ever will, bring you life itself but Me alone."

His words struck me to the heart. "My Lord and my God I said quietly, "no one has ever loved me as You have..." I was choked with emotion. Slowly I continued, "Nor ever desired my company as...," but I could not finish.

"None of flesh and blood can, Anna, for you belong to Me."

He looked me in the eye, and His eyes pierced through me. "I created you for Myself, and only I can satisfy you truly and fully."

A Gift To God

I did not know what to say. I searched, trying to think of some reply. Finally I asked, "If I am created for You, Lord, what can I do for You? How...," I groped for the words to convey that I wanted to give a gift to Him. "How do I give something to You?"

He searched my face for a moment and then smiled. "Sing for Me, Anna; that would comfort Me." He leaned back against the large, apricot tree and closed His eyes.

I did not know what to sing. I swallowed hard. Then I looked out over the garden and prayed within myself. Soon, without knowing what I would say, I began to sing:

Where golden light becomes the red,

And red becomes the white,

Burning with the zeal of love,

A land devoid of night,

Powering the universe

From star to distant star;

Consume the dross, O Ancient One,

Let no aberrance mar

All that belongs to You alone,

Created by Your word;

All that is seen and understood,

All hidden and unheard.

Consume the sin, O Ancient One,

Consign it to the night;

For us there's oneness with our God,

The Everlasting Light.

No shadow dare exalt itself,

No darkness dare display,

Where God Eternal rules and reigns

The land of endless day.

Praise Him, all you heavenly host,

Praise Him, Sons of men.

Turn your faces toward the Son,

God's "Yea" and His "Amen."

I had never heard that song before. At its completion I sat amazed. My right hand came up to cover my mouth.

That Which Is Coming

There was a long pause after the song ended. Finally He spoke, "Before the cock crows, Anna, three stages of betrayal will have been accomplished against Me in the world. Betrayal is multiplying, and many will be seduced by their own fear and need for survival. They will betray to save themselves."

"Lord, unless You give us the grace, we will all betray You. Who is strong enough to think he can stand? You must strengthen us.

Unless You rise up to pass these tests...," I was momentarily speechless at the thought, "...who would not, for the slightest reason, betray You? Help us! Rise up within us, Lord. Do not let us sin against You."

He opened His eyes and turned His head to look at me. "I have heard this, Anna." He continued to look at me silently, as if meditating upon my features. Then He sat up straight and said, "Walk with Me to the gate." He rose from the bench and helped me to stand also. We walked silently to the golden filigree gate. The two doors of the gate opened as we approached.

We walked out, and He closed the gates, looking into the quiet garden within the wall.

"It is very beautiful here," I said, also looking back at the garden.

The Golden Key

Jesus turned and handed me a golden key to the gate's lock. "Here is the key He said. "Go in whenever you like." The key was large and antique in design. It hung on a red cord. "Here," He continued, and He dropped the cord with the key on it over my head.

"Will You meet me here?" I asked.

"Unlock the gate, and I will meet you here," He smiled.

I looked again at the garden.

"Whenever you wish," He repeated, "meet Me here." And then He disappeared.

I looked down at the white stone in my hand and the golden key resting on the area of my heart.

It was then that I heard the sound of singing, faintly at first. It was the sort of singing you might hear if your mother was making bread in the kitchen on a cold winter's day. I turned toward the sound and saw a bright light. In the center of this light sat a group of spirits.

The path lay right near them. I stepped onto the path to approach them.