Chapter 7: THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH

The great white Eagle plunged through the darkness. I held on to Him with all of my might, burying my face in His feathers and keeping my eyes tightly shut. With all that was within me, I concentrated on clinging to Him.

Although the dive was as harrowing as dropping miles in a vertical, greased chute, the white Eagle landed gently in the sheepfold within the second heaven. This dark, dank, spiritual realm is populated with demons of great grotesqueness. It is satan’s headquarters.

THE SHEEPFOLD

Within this corrupted spiritual territory, our Lord retains an outpost—His sheepfold. It is a safe haven for His own.

A stone wall encloses the protected area. The wall is topped with thorns, as it might be if it were actually a desert sheepfold. A covered, though open, shelter and one wooden bench are within the wall. There is one gate only into this protected area. Although surrounded by defiling contamination, the sheepfold remains inviolate.

THE PREPARATION

The white Eagle became Jesus. Strangely, He said nothing. Instead, He handed me a pair of porpoise shoes dyed red. I had worn these shoes before when the Lord had taken me into this territory. Now I sat clown on the bench near the gate and began to put them on my bare feet. I was puzzled.

He too sat down and began putting on a pair. As He put on the shoes, He spoke. “I asked you once before, Anna, and now I ask you again: Do you trust Me?” “Yes, Lord,” I answered. My reply was given with less assurance than the first time He had asked. I realized that before I had not lived up to my own expectations. Now, at least a grain of humility had been refined in me from the greater knowledge of my own frailty.

“I have need of you,” He said as He rose to His feet. His shepherd’s staff appeared in His right hand. With His left hand, He reached down to help me rise. He looked solemn. “When you were here before, I warned you to touch nothing. Now I tell you to speak nothing. Walk straight ahead of you, and when requested, do only that which I indicate to you.” He searched my face. “Anna,” He said, “carefully follow My instructions.” He spoke with a quiet intensity that suggested great, perhaps fatal, danger.

I nodded. The gravity of His words made an audible reply impossible. As He opened the gate, He exhaled a breath as if centering Himself before a trial. We went out. The gate closed behind us. I was nervous. I followed in His footsteps, holding on to the back of His garment.

THE DESCENT

I expected to see what I had seen before when we visited this diabolical place. I did not. Instead we began a dark descent.

I could feel something sliding past my feet on the path. Primitive revulsion made me try to get my feet out of the way. After my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see by the light emanating from Jesus that vipers were slithering all over the wet incline.

I momentarily froze, losing my grip on the Lord’s garment. I could not call to Him. All I could do was move forward. By His light I could see that the snakes fled from Jesus. But would they flee from me?

Everything within me was becoming fragmented. I knew that I had to center my focus. I stopped looking down. Instead I fixed my eyes on the Lord.

Now I could not see the snakes, but still I could feel them slither past me. I walked haltingly. Every part of my body was tense, almost rigid.

TEST OF THE SOUL—THE EMOTIONS

Suddenly I heard a familiar sound. It was our dog barking with excitement, as if he had heard me coming. We had raised this dog from the time he was a puppy. He was greatly loved.

Instinctively I turned my head in the direction of the welcoming bark. Just as quickly, however, I snapped it back to fix my eyes on Jesus. I knew that the darkness and the slippery incline had disoriented me. I was trying to keep my attention centered.

Then I heard the sound of a speeding vehicle coming toward the sound of the dog’s welcoming barks. The wheels of the vehicle squealed, as if to make an emergency stop. There was a bump, a sickening thud, and then the sound of the dog yelping as if he had been hit.

I stopped again, catching my breath in short gasps, my ears straining to hear the location of the sound. It sounded as though the dog was crying in pain. But because of his love for me, he was still trying to drag himself to me. It tore my heart out.

Then I heard my mother cry out. Her voice sounded near the dog’s yelps. “Help!” she cried.

My breath almost stopped as I strained to hear. I could not call the Lord.

“Help the dog, Anna!” my mother’s voice cried out.

Suddenly my emotions, which had been as scattered as a frightened bird loosed from a cage, snapped into a steely lucidity. Satan had overplayed his hand. The voice that had sounded like my mother’s had called me “Anna.” My real mother would not have called me that because on Earth my father and mother had named me Ann.

Everything had happened so quickly that I did not have time to think. Satan had bypassed my mind and engaged my emotions. But it was a lie...a lie!

RECOVERY

I began to move forward again with tiny, frozen steps. With recognition of the deception, the sounds ceased. But I was shaken from having my emotions shredded. Jesus was ahead of me, but the distance between us was widening. I needed to move more quickly to catch up with Him.

Inwardly, I began to quote Scripture. “Unless you hate father and mother...,” I said, seeking to move more swiftly.

TEST OF THE SOUL—THE MIND

Suddenly the small snakes became huge ones. I shuddered within myself, “O Lord!” I hoped that Jesus would turn around. These pythons had lettering on them, symbols or formulas.

One gigantic snake reared up to fling itself at me, to knock me down. I knew that if it knocked the breath out of me, it could wrap itself around me and squeeze the life out of me.

“Divination,” I said within myself. “Witchcraft, sorcery, the powerful black arts.” Shock and fear scrambled my mind. I dared not scream or dodge its lunge. The incline had become steeper and slicker. I did not know if I could keep my footing. The snake lunged, barely missing me. Then three or four huge snakes reared up at the same time to lunge. I was frozen on the path, terrified.

Suddenly, horrible mutilations flashed into my mind in rapid succession. It was as though I was being dismembered and disemboweled. Pictures of horrible tortures assailed me, mixed with visions of being buried alive or falling from a plane.

ANGELS OF LIGHT

Swiftly the horrific pictures fled from before my eyes. In their place the huge snakes became giant, demonic beings, richly attired.

They spoke to me, “There is greater power than you ever dreamed of having. Power,” they said together. “You can have anything you want. You can take it with this power.” “They must have showed me the mutilations that will occur if I refuse their offer of demonic power,” I said within myself. “They want to terrify me, paralyze my mind.” I steeled myself. “I will not be afraid of them.” I continued to inch forward. “I will not be intimated.” Within myself I began to repeat, “‘Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord.” They were right in the steep path. I was getting closer to them. “‘Not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord.” The large demons were right ahead of me. I braced myself and kept moving ahead. Incredibly, I passed right through them. I was perplexed.

RECOVERY

“They are phantoms,” I said within myself. “Not real at all. They are a trick of the mind.” I did not want to lose this clear understanding, for satan had managed to take clarity and perspective away from me in this place. Since I was seeing more clearly I began to repeat the Word of God within myself again. I moved ahead more rapidly now that presence of mind had been restored. I dared not call to Jesus. I needed to remember that.

However, Jesus began to move ahead more quickly than I could keep up. He was disappearing into the darkness of the valley ahead of me. I wanted to cry out and run to Him. But I remembered His admonition.

“Surely He will sense that I have fallen behind,” I said within myself “Surely….,“ I repeated frantically within.

TEST OF THE SOULS -- THE WILL

I continued to place one foot ahead of another. Now, however, I was in total darkness—black, no light, no sound, nothing—nothing.

Blackness is terrifying. It is the kind of terror that makes you want to scream just to relieve the tension you are experiencing. I felt that I was suffocating with no escape. Evil pressed in on me.

I began to talk to myself within, trying to cling to a measure of sanity. “Any minute I will see His light ahead of me,” I thought.

No, nothing. I was groping with my feet on the dangerous incline. I had to remain upright. I was alone. I could not sense His presence at all. I prayed within myself The prayers were as heavy as stone. I quoted the Word within myself. But it seemed to have no power.

“O God,” I thought, “don’t leave me!” Suddenly I caught myself. “No,” I said within. “I will not accuse Him of leaving me. I will not feel abandoned.”

NOTHINGNESS

For the child of God who loves the light, darkness is torturous. For those accustomed to His presence, His absence is excruciating.

I thought, “In my Lord’s agony on the cross, He must have experienced this blackness. Only He had all the sins of the world upon Him. Cruel demons must have been released to torture Him.” “They Overcame” I began to confess within myself the benefits of the blood of Jesus and the victories He had won through His broken body. I testified within myself—to myself—of the attributes found within Him and of the victories won by Him.

Somehow, dishonoring God became more heinous than perishing. I did not want to put the Lord to open shame. I did not want to crucify Him to myself again. I did not want to cry out and disobey in this place where the enemy could win a victory and laugh Him to scorn again.

“No,” I said within, “no accusations. No bitterness. No more ‘whys.’ No more a need to be pampered. By His grace I will walk the course He needs me to walk. Him.. . not me. His honor. . . not my safety. His glory, not mine. Him. Him. He alone is worthy. He alone is worthy.

“O my God,” I sobbed within. “I love You so much. What does this matter? Though You slay me, yet will I trust You. What does it matter? If I live or die, I am Yours. That is all that matters. I love You beyond danger or mayhem or darkness or death.”

LOVE

Suddenly, my heart cracked open. I was unable to contain the love that I now felt. I burst free, from what I did not know. It was as though love for the Lord had loosed me from a prison, as though I had pulled away from the gravity of the flesh. I loved Him. I loved Him more than I wanted to preserve myself.

It was a strange, exhilarating experience. It was as though I was loosed from self. Not that I did not realize, even then, that the cross would need to be applied to my flesh nature daily to hold it in the place of death. But something had happened. I had broken free.

No longer would it be as easy to embrace the flesh. I would need to work deliberately at employing the flesh now, whereas before it had seemed inevitable. Now I was being drawn into the orbit of the Son of God. I could already feel myself moving toward Him more rapidly. The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus was the new gravity that was drawing me into God Himself.

Love like a river began to rush through my heart—love unhindered, unstoppable, and unimaginable.

A SPECK OF LIGHT

Quickly a tiny speck of light appeared in the path ahead of me. I made the calculation that if that light had been a little to the right or left, the darkness would have hindered me from seeing it. I continued to move forward. Within the light emanating from Him stood Jesus.

He was waiting for me in the valley. As I drew nearer, He smiled and opened both of His arms. I seemed to cover the distance between us supernaturally and was in His embrace. Even within His arms I dared not speak, for He had requested this. He likewise said nothing. His embrace said it all.

He within me, by the power of the Holy Spirit, had demonstrated His victory. The enemy did not entangle my emotions, corkscrew my mind, or pervert my will. Love, His love, was triumphant within me.

There was little time to rejoice, however, for past His shoulder I saw a very large black building brooding in the wet darkness.